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 Review #4333209 |
These Hands  [E] A mother's hands  |
| (4.0)| ** Image ID #1386050 Unavailable **  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Greetings, Angela! Welcome to this wondrous writing community. You seem to be off to a great start in populating your port, making acquaintances, and finding your way around to the many activities available on this vast site during your first few months among us. The following observations are offered in the spirit of friendly hospitality and constructive support, but they are nothing more than one man's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth. TITLE: Unless your name is Maya Angelou, or some other famous poet, whose reputation is enough to attract a fawning audience, the title is one of the most important elements of any composition. As the only thing a prospective reader will see while scanning the list of items in a writer’s port or the Table of Contents in a book, it serves as the door which must be opened to enter the realm of the writer’s imagination. A name gives the story a specific identity. It sets the tone and prepares the reader for what is to come. If that entrance does not spark some sort of interest, chances are he or she will move along to the next item, or maybe even the next author. The title of this poem appeals to that browser's sense of compassion with its reference to a specific pair of hands through the application of the demonstrative pronoun "These." FORM & STRUCTURE: In traditional poetry, the fixed shape of the meter, rhyme, and stanza creates an emotional distance which facilitates universal acceptance. The poet writing free verse must compensate for the lack of traditional structure by designing the title, line, stanza, and rhythm to provide the greatest impact in an efficient manner. Otherwise, the poem will be nothing more than prose in disguise. Careful design of the word selection and arrangement, the length and density of each line, and the breakdown of stanzas must provide a natural rhythm. That is, through much toil in search of precise language, experimentation with forming lines and stanzas, and extensive revision, the poet carefully crafts a work that appears natural, authentic, and convincing to the reader. Although the single body of text seems to be in fashion these days, I believe you could help to control the pacing and sharpen the focus by dividing the composition into several stanzas, as described in the following link: http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-the-function-of-stanzas-in-poetry.htm . The stanza breaks would help to control the pacing and sharpen the focus, offering the reader an opportunity to absorb each impression more completely before moving along to the next. IMAGERY: Imagery is the lifeblood of a poem. Like a craftsman carving, molding, painting, and polishing wood, stone, clay, or some other material, the poet uses words to shape and paint pictures which present some lyrical impulse or spiritual truth. Rather than TELLING the audience about those feelings, the poet SHOWS the impressions through distinct images that project emotional overtones and associations with other images and events. In this way, the poet stirs an emotional response from the reader. Your selection of specific details projected through concrete nouns and active verbs imprint vivid impressions upon the screen of the reader's imagination. POETIC TECHNIQUE: Just as the conductor of a symphony orchestra controls the tempo and power of the music with a delicate nuance, a poet guides the pace and force of the poem by manipulating sounds through word selection and arrangement. The rhythm may be smooth or choppy, fast or slow, measured or free, depending on the effect you are trying to create. The rhythms in the language of your poetry serves the same purpose as the background music in a movie, putting the viewer/reader in the right frame of mind to receive your images with the greatest impact. In one form or another, repetition is used in poetry for a variety of purposes. The familiarity created by this technique can create a common thread woven through the piece to strengthen the cohesiveness of the composition. It can also be used as a resonant echo for emphasis to produce greater impact. By skillfully playing the familiar against the unexpected, the poet composes a lyrical quality that is used to support the theme of the poem. Your application of the Anaphora technique ( https://literarydevices.net/anaphora/ ) , just as Martin Luther King did in his "I Have a Dream" speech ( http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihavea... ), generates a powerful echo to reinforce the statement your narrator is making. If done well, rhyming can be pleasing to the ear and fun to create, testing the wit and ingenuity of the poet. It can also serve as an audible echo or resonance for emphasis. The rhyming in this composition is well executed without distortion of the language in order to maintain the established pattern of matching the first and third lines of every stanza, which also helps to generate a rhythm that is pleasing to the ear, as you have done with the consistent pattern of rhyming couplets in this composition. NARRATIVE: By opening in the first person voice with "I look at...," your narrator places the focus directly on "I" instead of the declaration regarding "these hands." I believe that first phrase weakens your overall expression just a tad by taking the reader away from that gripping imagery. That poignant twist at the end jerks your audience from the peaceful reverie induced by the soothing rhythmic presentation up to that point, producing a delightful epiphany: https://literarydevices.net/epiphany/ . OVERALL IMPRESSION: Art happens in two places: in writers' minds as they create it, and in readers' minds as they perceive it. Poets explore possibilities through a lens colored by past experience and shares them with an unseen audience. They call upon a unique reservoir of such enlightenment, conceptual skill and innovative research to project some spiritual sensation upon the screen of the audience's imagination--be it joy, melancholy, shock, or any of a thousand others. With all due respect to Dr. Albert Einstein, I have formulated my own theory of relativity: No matter how accomplished someone is, there is always room for improvement; no matter how new someone is to a particular process, there are always others out there who could use your help with a little fresh perspective. We all started from the same point. A prima ballerina began her journey by taking a few faltering baby steps, falling down, getting up, and trying again. Even at the pinnacle of her career, she still practices tirelessly to continue honing her craft. You have achieved the most important step in this process by capturing your thoughts on paper before they can fly away like fireflies in the night. In that effort, you have excavated a golden nugget from the depths of your imagination. Keep chiseling and polishing that stone to maximize the effects and transform it into the magnificent jewel it can be. If you are interested in learning more about the craft of composing poetry, or merely chatting among like-minded wordsmiths, we would love to have you join our discussions in "The Poet's Place " group. Here's wishing you fair winds as you continue to navigate this universe known as Writing.Com. Let the creativity flow from your soul!  Dave "The Poet's Place " * All items are rated in accordance with the guidelines provided in "Comment-In-A-Box" . My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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