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Review #4356419
Viewing a review of:
 Quitting Dolce Open in new Window. [13+]
A woman tries to overcome her shopping habit (in 300 words or less).
by Miss Darkchild Author Icon
Review of Quitting Dolce  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Miss Darkchild, I am reviewing your short story "Quitting Dolce" on the behalf of Game of Thrones here on WDC.

♥ This short story is about a woman named Lilly whose walking home from and on her way home she spots a new fall line displayed in the window of Dolce and Gabbanna.

♥ Things I noticed/specific suggestions: This short seems to be well written. I believe that you should do another read through, because some of your punctuation is not needed in my opinion.

For example: Her mind's racing, half of it screaming, "Get OUT!" and the other half sweetly whispering, "It won't be so bad."

I think it would read better like: "Her mind was racing. Half of it screamed, "Get out!" and the other half sweetly whispered, "It won't be so bad."

♥ Spelling/Grammar: I did not notice any spelling mistakes, nor grammar errors.

♥ Overall: With a little more work this short story could be greatly improved. I enjoyed myself nonetheless though. I like that you separated the paragraphs, but I am not sure if all the indents presented add to the story.

This review was given freely in thanks for a writing that was written freely

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