It is me again. I had to see what other offerings in the horror genre you had for me. This was quite an interesting tale.

The hook
The first paragraph is done well, grabbing the reader by showing them that something important has happened. I wanted to read on to see what it was.

Dialogue
Dialogue is done well for the most part. There is an area where you wrote "he said". Typically it is obvious that someone said something, so body language works better to show the story.

Character development
There is plenty of character development. Kim obviously has gone through some sort of head trauma and is very disoriented. She scares easy too, obviously.

The man that comes into the story later is calm, which enhances the skittish qualities shown in Kim.

Scenery
The darkness of the woods, which can be creepy, is clearly shown. I particularly like how you describe the crackle of the leaves under her feet and show the ground to be wet by showing her slipping.

Plot
There were some interesting twists. I kept thinking this was going to be a werewolf story. Very cleaver distraction.

One thing that I am confused about is Rebecca. Mention of her makes it seem that she has left this other woman behind somewhere, yet this is never clarified. Instead it is a man that appears, which leaves Rebecca an unsolved mystery for the reader.

Mechanics
Was I in such a snit- I was
spilled and brilliant under the moonlight. I would remove "and" in this sentence


Suggestions
The darkness felt- when the words "felt" are used, there is telling rather than showing. The lines read better without that word. This is something that has been pointed out to me in my own writing several times. It is a challenging habit to break.

Final thoughts
Your tale was interesting and full of imagery. Besides the issues mentioned, it is a good story. It just needs a bit of editing.

Thank you for sharing your writing. When you get around to editing this, make sure to let me know, so that I can up my rating according to repairs made.
















My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .