Hello, TheBaldWriter,

Your powerful essay struck me in its openness and vulnerability. The feelings are well expressed and it makes me want to encourage you to write, write, write!

There is some room for improvement... if you don't mind constructive criticism, read on and I'll show you how I'd improve it. Just one writer friend to another. But if that's not desired, just stop here and know that I was touched by your essay and see great potential in your writing.

Ah, you kept reading :) Good for you!

At the beginning, I did regular editing notes but then it got hard to keep track of lines so I switched to comments/suggestions in [brackets like this].

Line 1: "I look at the name I have given myself for admission to this site. Bald Writer. it" I'd recommend dropping the "it" at the end... maybe it was a typo? And, just personal preference, but I'd like a colon between site and Bald... like this "this site: Bald Writer."

Paragraph 2: "With this in mind I rise up from my secure, comfortable seat and proceed to the holey room, where I will consult with my truth seer. Gazing into its recently cleansed flat glass surface, the truth of the first part of that nomenclature is confirmed. Definitely (and for a very long time) bald." Unless you were going for comedy (and maybe you were! I'm not great at comedy... detection or writing), I think instead of holey you meant holy? Holey = has lots of holes; holy = sacred. But great use of nomenclature!

Paragraph 3: "I return to my seat, look at my new identity, and open word. The blank page opens." Did you mean Microsoft Word? If so, I think you just capitalize "word" as "Word."



Liar [stark! attention getting, for sure]


There was no time. Lies [add a period at the end]

There were no ideas [add period] More lies [add period at the end]

I have no talent [add period] Excuses.


So I enter this church of confession. I ask you, my confessors [add comma] for forgiveness of my past sins, determined not to repeat them. Looking forward to the writing to follow.

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So glad you ended on a positive note! I hope you're enjoying your revived writing life!

I hope this review is taken in this spirit it is meant - helpfulness. My suggestions are just suggestions... there's no obligation to take them.

All the best to you!
Phyllis



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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .