Hi ♥OctOGRE tHiNg♥

I've just finished reading your short story, "The Snitch Train" , and I'd like to offer the following comments. This review is part of "Invalid Item" 

My first impressions: I was intrigued by your title. After reading the story, I have to say, it's a great choice. It details exactly what the story is about. The 'magical' snitch train that holds all kinds of treasures for those who board it. As I first read through, I found myself feeling really sad. When the true identity of the train became apparent, I went cold. It's horrific.

Plot: I'm not sure whether the narrator is in a concentration camp or some kind of slave labour camp during World War II. Either way, they are incarcerated and have no freedom. There is a train that comes to take inmates away to, "an exciting outdoor camp." In this wonderful camp, they will be able to spend time with others like them. There will be, " great food, exercise and plenty of time in the open air, away from the city." It's horrific because we all know these trains really existed, and they really did promise all kinds of opportunity and freedom for the poor souls they took to their death. The way you describe it kind of reminds me of the way we tell young children their puppy has "gone to stay on a farm" when really they have died. The same innocence is reflected here. I'm not sure whether, in this case, the train is taking them to be executed, or to work as slaves because you say, "Of course, the first to go would be the stand-outs, the all-stars, the favourites." I don't know whether these people would have been seen as presenting danger, and so killed first, or whether they would have been utilised as labour. The part I don't know a lot about is the snitching aspect. Were prisoners really asked to snitch on other prisoners, and then executed themselves because they were untrustworthy? I imagine that is true.

What I really liked: The story is shrouded in darkness. I love the way your narrator starts to keep their own list, even though they are not snitches. Their list, however, contains the names of those who wronged them. When you mention Nuremberg, I imagine this person's list is saved for the Nuremberg Trials. I imagine it being used to get justice.

There are lots of lines that stand out in this story. But these two are the ones that really made the hairs stand up on my arms: "Bullies kill other people in their minds, sometimes." Wow. That is so true. Not just for this story, but in general. I love this. Also, "Control has a way of shifting over time, more like a pendulum than anything." I love this. Karma, is the word that comes to mind.

Final thoughts: This is a thought-provoking story that is horrific in the way it's both brutal and true. Every word is underlined with evil and darkness. It's so well written, and such a unique idea for a story. I really like it, Hooves. It's a great story.

Keep writing!

Choconut



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .