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Review #4393137
Viewing a review of:
 The Creature Open in new Window. [ASR]
Jack struggles to tell his friend about a creature he found in his school after hours.
by Jessica Roe Author Icon
Review of The Creature  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Howdy, Jessica Roe!
Well, it's not easy to really review this since it's so short and just a beginning, but I'll let you know how you're doing up to this point.
This isn't bad. You've done a good job of piquing the reader's curiosity and setting the hook, but now you have to reel him in. I like that 'prologue' (I'm guessing it was what Jack saw and doesn't want to talk about?), and the spelling and grammar were good.
I'm a little curious as to why Jack was so eager to get out of school, though. Perhaps that had something to do with the little girl's demise?
One niggle, one comment:
'...fragile hands in(-)front of her small face' (don't need that hyphen)
'... bites into her body with a deep, wet, crunch.' (*Laugh* I'm just wondering if people go 'crunch' when they're bitten into!)
Kee ponw ritin gon, Jessica, and don't give up on this. Like I said, you've set the hook, now reel us in! After all, you don't cast your line into the water and then just walk away and leave your pole there, do you?
PS-You might want to get your biography set up so we can know a little something more about you (hobbies, favorite authors/books, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PPS-Since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" Open in new Window. to get a feel of Writing.Com and introduce yourself to the community!

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Angus Hand



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