Hi Jacky ! I stumbled into your port today thanks to the Random Review button! I'm glad it dropped me off here at your Flash Fiction story "Daydreamer!" I am so inspired by people who can pull off writing a full story in so few words, and you manage it! Great job!

Your writing is very clean and full of honest emotion. I was captured from the first line and was eager to read until the end to see where you went with this story. And I admire you for keeping me hooked until the twist at the end! Very clever and well done.

I just found a couple commas you might think about adding. Your quotes are below in red and I've added a where I think the commas should go

Jason you need to stop this

If you don’t pay attention you will fail.

When I was your age I had a part time job

If I get one more call from a teacher about your daydreaming I don’t know what we’re going to do!

he credited his father for the inspiration for the main character Mr. Bobbins.

I also think your last line could be reworded just a little. Currently, your last line is this: His father sat in the front row, he literally had no idea what Jason was talking about. Maybe consider rewording to: "His father, beaming from the front row, literally had no idea what Jason was talking about." Those are just my thoughts though - everything is up to you!

Lastly, I think this piece deserves some other genres besides "Contest Entry." Perhaps Humor, Art, or Experience? Also, just another small note, don't be afraid to play with the font size! Shorter pieces like this do well with a slightly larger font size so they have more presence on the page.

Thanks for sharing your writing! I hope you are enjoying the WDC birthday party!

Take care,
Emily

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