Hi Archaic Torso!

Let me start by saying that my only qualification in reviewing this piece is that I’m a bookworm (that counts for something right?) so please take to heart whatever is helpful and discard whatever isn’t. Note: I’ve used quotation marks to denote phrases from your poem.

I really found your piece intriguing. I’ve read precious few poems about asking for pain. Your piece isn’t even asking so much as begging for it!

“Wear someone else’s shoulder” really grabbed my attention. I found it abit creepy at first...but it grew on me! I now think it is the best line in the piece as the image is simple but the meaning is quite profound.

“I want to recite a litany of lost causes” for me lacks that desperation of wanting to feel the pain. Recite brings to mind merely lip service and litany conjures images of lengthy church petitions often mumbled and half-meant (they are painful but it isn’t that bad haha)

“Relearn rejection” - how about replacing relearn with relive? Learning sounds too cerebral for me for something that’s quite heart-breaking.

“teach myself how to shrug them off” - Perfect! This really had me thinking. My friends tell me that I like saying ‘it will be fine’ in tough times. I’ve offended some as they took it as me being dismissive, just shrugging it off. My take on it is that I’ve been through very tough times so maybe I can take on dire situations and not focus on the pain - it’s just pain. :)

Thank you for such a wonderful and thought-provoking piece. Write on!


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .