Hi Casey


I am reviewing your entry, "Guilty", as a judge for . Thanks for entering!


My overall opinion: The story of an old man and his daughter's struggle to deal with the news of his stage 4 cancer and their inability to express their real feelings to one another. He wishes he could let her know how angry he is that it's ending this way; she wishes she could tell him she is afraid to see him die. His struggles are shown in short bursts of writing of his former life as a cop to his current life as a gas station store worker. This story is short, the most important parts of this tale relayed in a frustrated tone and finally, one of guilty relief as the daughter learns she no longer has to care for her father since he's moved on. It's a bittersweet ending and it seems to lightly use the quotation prompt as part of the story. I'm not seeing much triumph, sadly but if the writer is showing the triumph in the father finding victory through death, then it works. Again, a very moving story!


What I liked most: I liked the stark mood of the story and the trip to N. Carolina included as part of the backdrop. It felt like a nice addition.

What I liked least: I guess I did not like that the story was so short; I felt it could've been longer for more story telling time. But that is just me.

Your spelling and grammar: I am not going to go through line by line, but there were a few places where a semi-colon or colon was used when it wasn't necessary. Or lower cased letters were used when capital letters are required. I would just suggest that you go back through the story prior to posting it again and re-edit it for spelling and punctuation errors. It's an easy fix and once done, the story will be ready for posting!


Closing thoughts: That last line with the daughter feeling guilty over the scrambled egg order that nearly got stuck in her very dry throat almost felt like a bit of a horror bit. The eggs come alive in her throat and choke her to death, in her guilt. That's what came to mind when I read it but I really enjoyed it. Just a few places for tightening up but all in all, a very good story.

I enjoyed reading and reviewing your work today. Take or leave what you wish. Keep writing.

Thanks for your entry and best wishes in the contest.





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .