Hello, Dreamy Wood

I found you on the author's page, and since you are a newbie (welcome to writing.com!) I thought I would check out your portfolio.

My Impression
This is an interesting short story. It's creepy and mysterious. I was curious why Cameron was down there, besides looking for something that the mother said was down there. Plus, I didn't get any sense of what Katie was doing down there or what she could possibly want. Was she a threat? This story could have been scary if that element were more firmly in place. I'm not sure if horror was the intent, though. I think with some fleshing out, this story could shine.

Suggestions
There's a lot of passive voice here, so I would watch how often the word "was" appears here. Most times this can be fixed just by using a stronger verb. Also, this story sometimes switches from past tense to present tense. I would recommend using Grammarly (a free Google add-on) to help point out little things like comma usage and things like that.

Grammar/Punctuation/Usage
I found some issues as I was reading through, so I'll post them here.
“It wan't that hard to break into the cellar.” wasn’t
“Through my shoes comma I could feel…”
“It was very musty, yes, but underneath that commathere…”
“My shoes left the ground as I fell to the ground,” No typos here, but “ground” is too repetitive.

“ I wanted to ask, but I figured that be too weird,” that “would” be too weird.
“She finishes her statement with a finality that only spurs off of complete confidence. “ This sentence switches from past tense to present tense.

“The light in front of me grew larger, but it's flickering quality remains.” ”remains” is present tense. This is a past tense story

“With another startled yelp I fell to the floor, banging the back of my head against the wall as I did so.” Why does she keep falling???

“Katie had a couple of inches on me, and was dressed…” no comma is needed here.


Rating Explanation
I am rating this a 3.5 because of the issues noted. I will gladly reread and re-rate this story if it's ever rewritten.

Again, welcome to this wonderful site, and I hope to see you around!

IceSkating SugarCube

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