Hello,

This was a sad and well stated read, that I'm glad you submitted for review in our challenge.

What I liked best was the continuing metaphor you used about the clowns. It was a steady presence throughout the piece that sometimes felt so real as to almost be taking literally:



There was also a lot of emotion in this piece, which is something you're very good at conveying. It feels like every injustice is still fresh while reading. If this is a piece that you want to continue working on, the one thing that I'd suggest is trying to focus on polishing up that metaphor and letting the emotion run under the surface of the piece. It would make it a smoother read, and the anger/frustration could be interpreted by the audience instead of having it right out in the open. It might give the piece more depth, whilst strengthening the two best elements of it.

Of course, that's just my opinion. The piece makes for a very strong personality-driven piece as is.

Thanks for sharing it with the group.

Sincerely,

Cat


















My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .