Hi, Kit_Carmelite !

          Overall +/- :
My thoughts on the piece as a whole...

         I'm here to read and review your poem as a fellow participant in "I Write"! I love the way you capture your subject's peaceful, happy solitude while sketching what I gather is a deer. You've captured a lot of feeling in this short etheree. As someone who has been known to sit out and sketch, much like the girl in this poem, I'll admit I'm a fan of the content!

          Rhythm & Flow:
Whether freeverse or tightly-structured formal poetry, flow is paramount.

         There is no discernible meter, and the only rhyme is in the last two lines, which ties the poem up nicely, I think. It reads smoothly, and I love the atmosphere you create.

          Language & Word Choice:
Because poetry is one of the briefer art forms, every word matters.

          You chose strong verbs and created a lovely image with so few words. I particularly love how much you tell us with these words: perched, poised, intently, moves. I can imagine that meeting of gazes as the girl attempts to capture the moment.

          There was a minor issue with clarity: at first, I wasn't sure whether the girl or the object of her attention was the one munching acorns and pine nuts. That was a bit confusing. Grammatically speaking, the girl is the one munching pine nuts while (her) white-ringed nose brushes the forest floor. While that's a compelling image, I don't think that's what you meant to imply.


          Things I liked :
Sometimes phrases or lines jump off the page.

Aware of her, perceiving no threat.
Swiftly her pencil moves, their gazes met. I love the nice rhyme you end the poem with!

          Suggestions:
Take them with a grain of salt.

The issue with clarity (mentioned above) was the only thing I really noticed.

          In Closing:
Any final thoughts...

         Thank you for sharing this lovely poem, and...

Write On!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .