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Review #4500676
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by ruwth Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

May God bless both of us as we grow as writers together!


A challenge to review an item from the friendship genre has me reviewing your item today! *Wink*

Title and Brief Description:

Your current Title and Brief Description are in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. This is not considered a good thing to do when writing things on line.

Your current Title is "BOB, MY FRIEND FOR MORE THAN 43 YEARS". Your current Brief Description is: "JUST ONE STORY THAT STICKS OUT IN MY MIND, THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE"

Here is an idea you might want to consider: "Bob Came Crashing Through The Trees" as a title and "I heard a sound and saw some lights."

You tell us at the start of your item that you and Bob had been friends for many, many years. I bet you still miss him, eh? Since you tell us this in your item, you can use your title and brief description like bait on a fishing line to lure in readers. *Wink*

The Main Course:

I enjoyed your story about Bob and his Class A being where a Class A ought not to have been. *Laugh*

Your punctuation could be improved but I will leave that to someone else to address since it is not my strong suit. The punctuation hiccups did not stop me from enjoying this memory you have of that day in the woods.

Two tiny suggestions. You say you were trying to "discern" what was making the noise. Discern is a perfectly good word to use by for the flavor of this story, I think it would flow better to say "trying to figure out" what was making the racket.

The second tiny comment is that you use "cracking and scraping sounds coming out of the woods" and "crackling and scraping through the trees". In this short story, it would probably be better to plug some other words in one of those places so as not to repeat the highlight phrase.

Summary:

Thank you for sharing this memory with us. From the glimpse we get into your friendship with Bob, I'll bet there are many more stories you could tell us. *Heart*




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