Hi Mastiff .
My name is 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 and I am doing this review on behalf of "I Write In 2019"  [E].
I have just read your short story "Attitude Changes" , which I found when I posted my own entry in the I Write in 2019 forum and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
Interesting story. i found myself drawn in almost from the very beginning. At first I was a little daunted by the length of the piece, but once i got into it, the length din't continue to bother me.
I love the adventurous aspect of the story. I was as taken in as Ruby.


Characters:
Ruby and her benefactor, Thomas.
Ruby was well defined. I got a real sense of her life and the staleness of it.
The strange caller (Thomas) was a mystery and I found I was still curious about him at the end.


Setting:
Being stuck in a traffic jam during rush hour was described well. I felt the desolation Ruby felt as she went about her life.
I followed her along on her adventure and the pacing was handled smoothly.


Plot:
Interesting... having read the Show, Don't Tell guidelines:
Ruby is annoyed to be in stop-and-go rush hour traffic.
She angrily rejects a call--or calls--from an unknown number on her mobile phone.
A mysterious person in the vehicle in front of her holds up a sign that says, "Answer the phone."
The phone rings, Ruby answers, and her life forever changes.

I got the sense that you did the first and last aspects, but did not incorporate the two middle ones. I am not sure if they were required, but I did not miss them.
I think you handled the situation outlined for you with good pacing and I feel you did a good job showing and not telling the reader what was happening.

I just hope not including the middle two aspects doesn't compromise your chances for winning.

Favourite Part:
I liked that Ruby took a chance... at each and every choice point she considered and went for it. I applaud her.


Suggestions:
I only found two wee slip ups:
'wonderful jobs' I believe should be wonderful job.
'Pretty bad." She relied' - I think you meant replied.


Additional Comments:
I quite liked this story and I wish you luck in winning. I think is definitely a worthy, fun piece.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .