Hi 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 ,

I've just finished reading your short story, "Time To Celebrate" , and I'd like to offer the following comments. This review is affiliated with "The Rockin' Reviewers"  and is also a part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these are purely my own opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first impressions: As I first read this, I found it to be a heartwarming, feel-good story. I smiled the whole way through. From your characters, to the sense of magic, to the fabulous ending, it's all very moving and incredibly enjoyable.

Plot: A girl who lives in a land where enjoyment and laughter are forbidden finds her way to a new, magical place where she can smile and relax. I have to say I love the name of the place she lives: Nofunlandia. It doesn't sound like a very welcoming place. When Bryanna hears the sound which sounds like laughter, she follows it until she reaches a magic mountain that gives way to a big party in honour of her nineteenth birthday.

What I really liked: Bryanna's realisation that her father tricked her into believing her mother was dead, when really she had been exiled because she was too exuberant for Nofunlandia. I could really feel Bryanna's emotions when she found her mother whom she believed she would never see again. That's a lovely touch. The thing I love most about this, though, is the sense of magic. You start with the sound that is like laughter that entrances Bryanna. It's kind of like a good siren calling her. Then, the mountain that gave way when she held her hand to it, revealing a cavern with lights everywhere. And, my favourite: the fairies. I love your descriptions of them. This one is fab: "All hovered and flitted on wings so delicate they seemed barely there." Similarly, I love your description of the balloons dancing on air.

Readability/Grammar/Punctuation: I have a few suggestions which I will put in this dropnote ...

Grammar Suggestions ▼

Final thoughts: This is such an enjoyable, magical story. I'm sure it could be enjoyed by adults and children alike. I love the reunion with Bryanna and her mother. That part has really struck me. Thanks for sharing this wonderful story.

Keep writing!

Choconut



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .