Hi, Kit_Carmelite !

          Overall +/- :
My thoughts on the piece as a whole...

         Hello again! It's my pleasure to review your poem as a fellow participant in "I Write." As usual (I'm discovering it's a pattern!) you have vibrant imagery. You absolutely and stunningly used juxtaposition in this super-tiny poem! I am in love with the image you created! This is entirely unrelated to your poem, but do be sure to read the rules over at the 24 Syllables contest page! The word prompt, in this case "juxtapose" must be used within the poem and highlighted (bolded or colored, for example).

          Rhythm & Flow:
Whether freeverse or tightly-structured formal poetry, flow is paramount.

         This is a freeverse poem without discernible rhyme or meter. I encountered no issues with flow as I read! Very smooth and lovely. Your choice to put "the last note" on its own line is particularly powerful and effective. Excellent work!

          Language & Word Choice:
Because poetry is one of the briefer art forms, every word matters.

         The second two lines of your short poem land like the tsunami you characterize in these 19 syllables. Excellent line breaks. Powerful words! The first line, for me, isn't quite as strong as the others. I do love this idea of music, but I have no idea of the meaning or source, so it loses a bit of its strength, for me. Is it actual or symbolic? Having an idea of its source would lend strength to the silencing of its "last note."

          Things I liked :
Sometimes phrases or lines jump off the page.

Excellent line breaks!

          Suggestions:
Take them with a grain of salt.

Enchanting melody ascended — You have 9 syllables to work with, here. I'd love to know more, if it works with your vision for the poem. Is it a "song of laughter and rhythmic footsteps"? Is it birdsong from creatures unaware of the coming disaster? Specificity would lend punch and make these last lines land hard.

ascended / silenced — This is entirely subjective, but this poem may be a good place for present tense, which creates a feeling of immediacy. Then again, the past tense lends a feeling of completion and conclusion in the wake of devastation. Honestly, I think either would be lovely!

          In Closing:
Any final thoughts...

         A lovely poem! I think a bit of revision could give it more punch. Please feel free to take any suggestions you find useful and discard any that don't work for you!

Write On!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .