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Review #4508592
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Greetings, JM Jr.
I'm not as spiritual as I once was (or probably should be again), but I thought this was a nice little piece about what lies beyond, and you did a good job of telling it. The setting is perfect, and the reader can just picture this little boy asking these questions of this apparent stranger (Jesus) that nobody else can see.
I also enjoy the innocent way you started this: we don't know why the family is there or that the little boy's sister has died, and using the boy's 'befuddlement' when the man tells him he's bringing her home was also good.
One small niggle that stands out:
'The little boy(,) baffled and shaking his head(,) replied...'
There's also a few other comma niggles in this, but I'm not going to mention them. I think if you wanted to, you could go over this again and spot them. But the real thing about this piece is the message, which you did a fine job of getting across!
Kee ponw ritin gon, JM Jr.! Thanks for sharing this, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PPS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" Open in new Window. and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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