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 Review #4509733 |
 Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Round VII: September 1, 2019 - October 7, 2019     Hello Beholden   , I'm Whata. I have enjoyed reading your item "Invalid Item" you entered into "The 4 Controversies Contest" Thanks for sharing your work with the 4C's, and the WDC community! OBLIGATORY BLURB This is where I tell you I am not an editor, but a reader who dabbles in writing. I likely will not point out every typo or error, but if I mention more than one, you should definitely give it another read-through for edits. No reader wants to stumble over too many mistakes, but it is part of the process we go through as we learn how to write more effectively. Although I am a bit of a hard 'butt' when it comes to reviewing non-fiction—and especially while judging my 4C’s contests—I also like to consider myself supportive of everyone’s writing efforts. Please realize that a '5'  rating means very-near PERFECTION to moi. However, do take my suggestions or leave ‘em, as you see fit—it's your 'baby'  Indeed, always listen to your own instincts for developing or keeping your own style (unless it proves incorrect). I hope you find my review helpful to your writing efforts, but please do not hesitate to send me a message if you'd like any clarifications on it, or to request another review if the changes you have since made are substantial. I’m slow, but interested! Ba da ba BING CONTENT COMMENTS Love the sub-title! Funny one. You have a very straight-forward manner of speaking and writing. I found myself nodding in agreement in many areas of your write, and your reasoning checks out through the use of examples and ideas. I adore your definition of the agnostic as someone who « prefers not to argue about » faith. Hey... my quotes are now weird arrows? WTH! Perhaps I need a reboot... brb Okay, where was I?’ « Wow. Only my double quotes. That’s a new one.” Oh there they are! Wrong keyboard *deletes other* Yeah, that used to be me, the agnostic, although I didn’t label it.Oh I too like your wife’s preferred KJV version of the definition of Faith. Nice. “(hatches, matches and dispatches).”  That’s a new one for me. Love it!“(I am still one of the coolest people I know).” I daresay you are! I say this too  ‘Paul’ indeed  Regarding suggestion ‘H’ below, it is infinitely difficult to describe in words something that is utterly devine, isn’t it? For me it was hearing that He made me the way I am because he wanted to. That my faults were part of the plan. I guess that He loved me in such a way turned my life around, yet it sounds incredibly cliche to say. So I get that this was difficult for most and kudos because you went there! But when you speak of meeting God, I am left wondering if you mean that loosely, or de facto? It doesn’t matter, not for judging purposes, but ‘tis interesting indeed. For instance, I’ve ‘heard’ Him speak to me, but I didn’t actually hear Him... Whata you gonna do, He’s a supernatural being, right GENERAL SUGGESTIONS You don’t use many commas, do ya? I was going to list as suggestions, but for the most part I suppose that’s just a stylistic issue because you use conjunctions, you don’t have to add commas as well. I like the little things as reminders to pause briefly. But you do need them at other times, so hmmm... #1 Suggestion is simply to edit more. Do more editing. Not just a spellcheck if you fall for that one like many of us have, but read the sentences all the way through for understanding. You have everything else, and combined with some more punctuation... good to go  So ah to be clear, you lost points in some areas for comprehension, but mostly in needed edits: but gained some for insight, depth, and relating outside of yourself (seeing the bigger picture, so to speak). Nice. Oh, like your colloquialisms makes it more relateable. “What are you doing?” Wow.  EDIT Suggestion (A) I would categorize this as Non-Fiction, and then Religion, Philosophy, Opinion, or Contest Entry. I specifically look for things to read under Non-Fiction, so I *may* be a bit biased there Otherwise, good job on these sub-genres, and the ratings! EDIT Suggestion (B) The theist (which label includes the Christians, the Jews and the Moslems)... Do you mean Muslims instead of Moslems? I’m asking as I am not sure... EDIT Suggestion (C) The extent to which each of these has faith in their beliefs is demonstrated by their actions. Faith is the measure of what we truly believe. The extent to which each of these <people> <sects> <reference issues> has faith in their beliefs is demonstrated by their actions. Faith is the measure of what we truly believe. EDIT Suggestion (D) ...”substance” and “evidence” suggest that Christian Faith expects rather more from the believer. comma needed after substance I’m thinking. No biggie. EDIT Suggestion (E) Gonna list a few more recommended commas here: I was not raised in the Faith(comma) as was my wife. ...appeared in my belief system (comma) but I was nowhere near... I give up. Add more commas EDIT Suggestion (F) to attend (a) Sunday school at a nearby church. EDIT Suggestion (G) began to ponder the thought occasionally. Try a comma after “thought”, or an emdash here—which is helpful in creating a longer pause so the impact of the “occasionally” can be felt. You do this here by typing in: {emdash}. Some more colons too—you’ve got the semi-colons and parentheses down EDIT Suggestion (H) Reword this because I’m fairly confused on what your meaning is. Maybe ‘What happened next was fundamental to...’? Something happened, but I’m in the dark: I was doing just that one day when I suddenly understood what my generation meant by the word “cool” in all its depth and import. It was fundamental to our philosophy and rejection of our fathers’ world. Oh! I get it now. Try: ...import: it was fundamental to in our philosophy and rejection of our fathers’ world. In fact, the next paragraph too may be too hurried and could use some clarification? But it did not stop there. As though I’d flicked a switch somewhere, my brain continued to an understanding of the world and how it functioned. A little further (missing something here) and the fact of God’s existence became so apparent and obvious that my objections melted away and I was changed in a moment. The whole thing is better explained in Paul’s letter to the Romans 1:20: Instead of the word “continued” perhaps you mean ‘was instantly populated’ (or whatever adjective verb word-thingy you may want to use ha) to in and an understanding... that makes more sense to me  EDIT Suggestion (I) Came the day when I realised that I was too wild a growth for the church to cope with. Then came the day... FINAL THOUGHTS Yes! Yes, it is “kinda cool, ain’t it?” It’s so very cool it’s changed millions of lives, but really, who cares about them? I care about me. Stories like yours strengthen my own Faith, which is absolutely the coolest, dontcha think? You definitely made me think! While I never always agree and pride myself on being ever-open to new information, it’s also nice to share Faith once in a while, as I also don’t go to church; just not a very introverted thing to do, ha! Enter again something so thought-provoking, after the holidays! Well, or early Summer  (Adrienne) or just 'Whata'    How-To for WdC Stuff WhataLand Warehouse Click Da Pics to Magically POOF! There Lessons to Play With  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You last responded to this review 10/15/2019 @ 5:12pm EDT