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Review #4515371
Viewing a review of:
 Cigar Open in new Window. [ASR]
a song about me going to the crossroads and selling my soul... true story
by Grateful Gringo Author Icon
Review of Cigar  Open in new Window.
Review by Past Member 'blimprider'
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window. *LeafO*


         Good morning, Grateful Gringo Author Icon, and welcome to WdC.
         For the record, my real name is Jack Tyler, and I am a former steampunk author who has transitioned to horror, but I try to review a wide variety of styles and genres. While I have a few books in print, I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. Before I pitch in, allow me to offer a suggestion: Put a little of yourself into your bio sections. You will receive much more tailored reviews if your reviewer knows a little about your background and experience level.

         Okay, a song lyric. I've never reviewed one of these before, so let's see what a mess I can make of it. Number one thing: your title. It seems bland and out of synch with the powerful story the lyric tells. I'd suggest something punchy that will stand out on Amazon and on the charts. Smoking with the devil comes immediately to mind, and I'm sure that with a little thought, you can do much better.
         And I do love that story it tells; when you deal with the devil, there's always a catch. I also love the triplet rhyming pattern, but I can't catch the rhythm to imagine what sort of song it's going to be. Just when I think I've got it, it changes. But, that's on me. If I was a musician, I'd be on tour instead of scrambling to write books, and I'll make no deduction for something that I don't get.
         There are a couple of grammatical errors early on. They're both right here: For your deepest desires your playing with fire ... You could just be being seduced by a snake tongue liar. This should read, "For your deepest desires you're playing with fire ... You could just be being seduced by a snake-tongued liar. For these and the bland title, I'm dropping my rating to 4.5, but this is a fine piece of work, and looks like it would make a great song, sort of a cross between The Devil Went Down to Georgia and Dylan's Like a Rolling Stone. Those are a couple of fine works to be compared to, and I mean it, this is really good.

         If I can leave you with one thought to take with you, let it be this: Don't forget to have the fun! So many young and/or beginning writers get so caught up in the daily word count, the quest for publication, and the often conflicting advice of other writers that they forget to enjoy the journey. You may or may not become the next Big Celebrity Musician, but you will always have the experience. Make sure it's a good one!

Read well, and write better,
*Hotair2* Jack


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