Hi! I found your item through Read & Review. It caught my eye because, at a glance, I thought of The Snowman... the famous picture book.


Things I Liked:

I think this is sweet and well-intentioned. The story itself could be very cute.

Comments/Suggestions:

"The hat and scarf would soon help inspire Charley to create a meaningful, albeit short-lived, tribute to his beloved grandfather." - So, if the title didn't already give away the ending (which it does), this line would. Is there some twist? I don't think giving away the ending on a back cover is that enticing... it feels like there's no need to open the book or even continue reading the cover.

Your tenses change throughout. For instance: present tense (It is, he stumbles) and past tense (it was quite a blizzard) and back to present tense (proves the our love). Choose one. I'd keep going with present tense I think.

This is entirely telling. I understand that it is a back blurb... but it doesn't inspire confidence somehow. I do hope that the inside has some showing so that the kids are sucked in and experience it. Things like whether the closet door creaked or if the scarf was soft or rough... or if it smelled like moth balls or grandpa's old pipe. More importantly, I hope the story actually SHOWS how Charley misses his grandpa. Basically, the back blurb doesn't really sound like it'll pull the heartstrings... but you're telling us it will. Maybe a bit less... words. For example:

"The hat and scarf would soon help inspire Charley to create a meaningful, albeit short-lived, tribute to his beloved grandfather."

VS

"The hat and scarf inspire Charley to create a frosty tribute to his granddad." This lightens the tone. It cuts out the heavy feeling added by extra words like 'would soon help" (which is a split infinitive, by the way--- soon would help). It also adds a bit of sensory with "frosty"... as well as a hint of snowman, as you had in the original. This type of pruning would help a whole lot I think.

How will creating a snowman "prove that our loved ones never really leave us"? Snowmen melt. Now, if he recreated it every year, and the story ends with him doing it as an old man... that would "prove they never leave us". But it seems... odd to say in the blurb. Especially after you told us that it is "short-lived".

From the book cover, I wouldn't pick it up... too much hype and no trust that it delivers at this point. It's selling not persuading me to read it or making me fall in love with the idea.

Also, is this for children to read... or for adults to read to the children? If the latter, the back cover makes more sense. If this is for kids to read, the language is WAY too advanced. Even for an adult, it doesn't feel like it would be that child-like with words like "albeit". It is a serious subject, but the back cover seems very heavy for a children's book... particularly with a child that young (i.e. definitely not a middle grade book).

Anyway, I hope this helps if you plan to revise. This could be a super sweet, warm and fuzzy book. The back doesn't FEEL that way though... and the overall effectiveness of the writing is reflected in my rating. Good luck with it!

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Talent Pond New Year Review Dinner Party  (NPL) January 2020 Review Activity - Review and be Rewarded! #2208950 by Tornado Dodger

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .