\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4525673
Review #4525673
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*

Salutations, Crossedout!
This isn’t bad for your first piece on here.
I think this is more of a commentary on your character’s writing ability than anything else, but I can still his frustration about Kate’s comments. At least the guy was trying!
And judging by your descriptions of Kate’s fixation on his hand movements (‘she felt a giddy rush as the pace of his words turned up a notch’), I think she might have a crush on this dude!
Overall, not bad, my friend. The ending was a little ambiguous since we’re not going to know if he ever finished his story (or novel!), but the spelling and grammar was great.
Comments and suggestions (Believe me, I’m not trying to cut you down like Kate did! *Bigsmile*):
‘blustery’ is an adjective, not an adverb
“What’s your point though?” She asked...’ (she—speech tag niggle—if you need some on info on them, here’s a link)

https://writersbeat.com/speech-tags-t16297.html

Kee ponw ritin gon, Crossedout, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you’re going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" Open in new Window. and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

Image Protector
GROUP
The WDC Angel Army Open in new Window. (ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama Author IconMail Icon

PSSS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Shameless Plug Page under Community on the left hand side.

my signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/14/2020 @ 5:28pm EST
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4525673