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What Caught My Eye

I have a few random pieces like this too. To be honest, mine tend to be a bit harsher in tone (frustrated?) than yours.

Favorite Aspects

Your metaphors and figurative language just... make me smile.

"I feel the press of their outlines pushing against my reality" -- I like this in particular. It's actually a super fitting description of the creative process when it's really flowing. And you're trying to yanno... do something useful. And it just keeps on pressing.

Beginning & End
I think that the beginning and ending are super important for a story because they determine whether someone will keep reading and whether they will be satisfied with what they read. I like to focus a bit of my reviews on these two areas.

The opening line is awkward to the point where I almost just... clicked off the piece. I'd revise that. Love the idea... but I'd simplify the phrasing and/or structure of that first sentence. Otherwise, the intro paragraph definitely carried me the rest of the way.

Language

The language is a bit heavy handed sometimes. Or... really, quite a bit of the time. It reminded me of Harlan Ellison, who is a huge ego-maniac (if deservingly so). Basically, it reads like you're "feelin' yourself"... like I think the writing is solid but YOU think it's a masterpiece. It just has that type of over-the-top, trying-too-hard style.

I get that. I can definitely fall into that myself. Sometimes, it takes way more effort to make it SOUND like it was easy. I know it does for me. It's not dumbing down but... taming the pompous tone? "and so must I" and "here I sit" and so forth.

Consistency

The tone was super consistent. The imagery and metaphors bounced all over the place, but I think it works here for the most part. They got much more consistent toward the end, which made me think that working sunshine metaphors in near the beginning... followed by the water (love the tsunami bit)... would naturally lead to the rainbow.

Not sure how much you thought this piece through... seems like you just sat down and let it flow (a good writer can do that effectively-- and you're a good writer), but some restructuring/writing could make it that much more solid.

Originality

The individual statements and snippets of figurative language were unique enough to carry me through. AS a whole though, this description of the creative process is pretty expected. "A wave of creativity"... the water motif is obvious, and I've heard it before.

Effect

Overall, I can tell you're a pretty solid writer with a natural flair for words... and you have a nice "mental squint". This still reads to me as a first draft (stream of consciousness even). It's impressive as heck for what it is. I'll go ahead and give it a solid "good" (4 stars) for the engaging turns of phrase... but structurally, it could be stronger (right down to its foundations-- sentences and paragraphs).






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .