\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4531499
Review #4531499
Viewing a review of:
 
Image Protector
Retirement Open in new Window. [13+]
A retired superhero deals with a life full of losses.
by rainbro Author Icon
Review of Retirement  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
THIS IS A WdC SUPER POWER REVIEWERS RAID REVIEW!!!

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*

Greetings, Rainbro!
This isn't bad for one of your 1st pieces on here, and I like how you told it. It's not often I see a Newbie write a 'superhero' story!
You did a great job with the imagery and dialogue (actually, all the grammar and spelling was flawless, thank you! *Bigsmile*), and even though I think it's only part of a longer story since you sort of jumped right into it, it's still a nice hook to grab readers.
Comments and suggestions:
'gratified homes' (are you sure you meant 'gratified'? That doesn't really make sense. Maybe you meant 'graffitied', as in covered with graffiti?)
'but Marie hurled around (and) threw the knife...'
You also might want to consider double spacing the paragraphs and making the font a little larger (preferable 3.5 or larger for those who don't have 20/20 eyesight). Oh, and since it's such a short piece, I don't think you need to indent the paragraphs, especially if you double space them.
Otherwise, great job!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Rainbro! It was a pleasure to read, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" Open in new Window. and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

Image Protector
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

PSSS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Shameless Plug Page under Community on the left hand side.

my signature




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4531499