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Review #4533766
Viewing a review of:
 She Open in new Window. [E]
A short story I wrote
by Pen Author Icon
Review of She  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*

Greetings, Pen!
For your first piece on here, this isn't bad. It's certainly dark though, and it sounds like the troubled thoughts of somebody who's trying to find their way in life. I'm hoping it's not you, but if it is, please know that we all go through rough patches sometimes, but we/you will eventually find our way.
Your descriptions were pretty vivid, and the way you started this was really gloomy with that gun to the character's head. I'm glad it was just an analogy of how the character was feeling.
I'm not sure how the train works into this, unless that was another analogy for the 'trip' through life. But I like how you ended it, knowing that as long as you keep putting 'one foot in front of the other, you/your character will find what they're looking for.
A few tiny niggles:
'Looking at the nature.' (I think this would sound better without that word, but that's just my opinion)
'Another mile(,) another end.'
'One foot infront of the other.' (in front)
Kee ponw ritin gon, Pen, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" Open in new Window. and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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