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 Review #4533894 |
 Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  Good morning, Shadow Prowler-Spreading Love  , and welcome to WdC! I came to review, but let me touch on a few general points first. My real name is Jack Tyler, and I made what little name I have in the steampunk genre, hence my Handle. While I have a few books and stories in print, I am neither famous nor particularly admired. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if anything I say doesn't light up your fun meter, remember that the only opinion that matters here is yours. If I might make a suggestion: put something of your writing background in your bio. I can assume from your name that you're female, but I have no idea of approximate age, and this article tells me when you started writing, but not how long ago, or how much experience you might have. You will receive reviews that are much more tailored to your needs if your reviewer has this sort of information.So, let's get started. I normally review fiction, and use a review template that discusses my views on what makes for good fiction, and compare your work to my beliefs about the Craft. That doesn't work so well for true stories, but I'll try to follow the general format. PRESENTATION: This aspect deals with the first impression your story makes when a reader clicks on the title. Call it the cosmetics. I'll be looking at abstract items from text density to scene dividers in a effort to ferret out any unfortunate habits that might cause a reader to move on without actually reading anything; before you can dazzle him with your show, you have to get him into the tent!  This is a quick and simple little tale, and it looks fine as it is. I will make no deductions for using WdC's default format, but it's bland and unattractive, and can create an intimidating wall of fine print in a longer story. You can make any story much more attractive by putting this line of characters at the beginning of the first sentence: {size:3.5}{font:verdana}{linespace:1.4}. That will make it look like this review. If you prefer a more traditional font, try Courier in place of Verdana.This is where I'd normally talk about the STORY, though in a factual anecdote like this, "story" doesn't really enter into it. This is a fun and informative tale of what drew you to writing, and has kept you here for the long haul. There is no story to make up, but merely a telling of the facts, so I can't judge your imagination from this. The way you present these facts in an entertaining narrative that holds the reader's attention is excellent, however, and I have no problem with hanging the full on it. Well done.MECHANICS: Whether you're writing fact or fiction, prose or poetry, the "holy grail" that you're striving for is immersion. This is an area that no author, myself included, ever wants to talk about: I've done all this work, and you want to argue over a comma?" But those commas are important. What you're really doing as a writer is weaving a magic spell around your reader, and your reader wants you to succeed. He wants to escape his mundane world for a period, and lose himself in your creation. Errors in spelling and grammar, typos, "there" vs. "their" issues, use of words inconsistent with their actual meanings, all yank him out of his immersion while he backtracks to re-read and puzzle out what you meant to say. This is never good, and this is the section that deals with that. Here I found a couple of hiccups, which is usually the case; very little hits the page in perfect condition. So let's look at it:In your subtitle, you say that your purpose for writing is to "elect" a reaction. I would guess that you mean "elicit, as in bring forth or attract. We elect presidents and dog-catchers, and sometimes we get them backward! "... I could pick up that the weather was doing..." My guess would be "pick up what the weather was doing?" The ellipsis (three dots, usually, though not always implying someone's voice trailing off), as here: gasps...all. Under strict grammar rules, they are separated by spaces, as . . . That rule has fallen somewhat by the wayside as the wrapping text used on computers and word processors will often split the dots onto two separate lines, causing quite a bit of confusion. But however you choose to write them, they are always followed by a space... thusly. SUMMARY:  A couple of little hiccups don't destroy a story; they just tell you that it needs another proofreading. I often have from a dozen to a score of corrections, and some of them are pretty bad, so I wouldn't worry too much about these. There's nothing wrong with the theme or your writing.It's good to see a new member wade in and put a group together. I admire that kind of initiative. Most, I think, join, then sit back and wait to see what happens. I think you'll be a great success here, and an asset to the site because your approach is to make things happen. Just don't forget to have the fun. So many young, enthusiastic writers get so caught up in the daily word count, the quest for publication, and the often conflicting advice of other writers that they forget to enjoy the journey. You may or may not become the next Big Celebrity Author, but you will always have the experience. Make sure it's a good one! Read well, and write better,  Jack My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 02/21/2020 @ 5:06pm EST