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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4537225
Review #4537225
Viewing a review of:
 Brief Moments Open in new Window. [E]
a short story about a car ride
by Maycee P Author Icon
Review of Brief Moments  Open in new Window.
Review by Past Member 'blimprider'
In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window. *LeafO*


         Good morning, Maycee P Author Icon, and welcome to WdC. What a delightful little essay to introduce yourself! I rode along with you in that car, enjoying the nostalgic sights, the everyday things we take for granted. I was struck by Old storefronts, belonging to a place that once was but no longer is. My mind's eye went back to empty monoliths, Sears, K-Mart, Montgomery Ward; anchor stores in a dying business model. And the little roadside shrines. There's one not far from my house. Someone has maintained it for the 20 years we've lived here. This was a beautiful ride through a field of memories, and I thank you for sharing.

         There are a couple of little hiccups I want to point out to you. One isn't even your fault. You have used the default WdC presentation font, size, and so on. It's perfectly acceptable, but as you can see, even in a story this short, it results in a dense wall of fine print that can be very off-putting to a reader or a prospective reviewer. I suggest that you copy this command line at the beginning of your story: {font:verdana}{size:3.5}{linespace:1.4}. That will make it look like this review, and I think you'll be pleased.
         The other is the need for paragraphs. I've identified three of them in this piece, and they need to be set off by indentations, double-spacing, or both. Paragraphs mark a change in the flow of the story, and a reader needs them to help him stay within that flow. Other than that little niggle, though, this is a fine piece of work, and the story and theme themselves are impeccable.

         One final hint, if I may: Put at least a brief little sketch of your writing experience in your bio section. You'll get much more tailored reviews if your reviewers know something about who you are as a writer. Just a suggestion, but I think you'll find your interactions will improve considerably if your fellow members know a bit about you.

         Let me close by saying that I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm a guy with an opinion, and if it doesn't align with yours, well, yours is the only one that matters. That's your name on the story, no one else's. Make yourself proud!

Read well, and write better,
*Skull* Jack "Blimprider" Tyler

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