INTRODUCTION

Hello Raven ,

I found your item "Fire Hands"  in the Sci-Fi tag. I was looking for some science fiction to review for a daily challenge being hosted by the MHWA group and this is one of the first items I saw. I hope you don't mind me dropping by with my thoughts.

WHAT I LIKED:

Fire and Fear

I really liked the sentiment that you ended on about fire power being tied to emotion.

It's something that I see a lot in fiction (my current project actually has a character who is so afflicted) but I think it's one of those tropes that deserves real exploration. Fire is so indicative of passion, and much like emotions it's difficult to master and potentially harmful if misused.

Your final lines really tapped into that power and the fear that your character was explaining.

Writing Style


You have a very descriptive writing style! That can be both a blessing and a curse because in my limited experience it usually means more polishing and editing BUT it also usually means a strong and engaging piece when finished. This reads very naturally and there were moments that really helped me visualize your scene.



My main suggestion is that you extend the story some. This was tagged as a short story, but it does feel more like an excerpt (or potentially a piece of flash fiction.) There were a lot of interested concepts here that are only briefly touched on, but I think by extending the scene out a little this could be a much stronger piece.

Below are a list of questions/concepts for things that could be explored in a longer version.

          Character: Who is the girl? What's her name? What was she like before she discovered her fire powers?
          Exposition: How did she get where she is now? Did she know she had fire powers? Is this her first time using them, or just the first time they got out of control?
          Setting What is the world like (specifically the girl's world) aside from having these sort of mystical powers. Digging into the elements here could really solidify the science-fiction tag -- and I'd love to see it!

Those are just some of the many things that you touched on that I'd love to see more of if you decide to continue working on this piece or in this world that you've created.

CONCLUSION:

I hope that this review was at least somewhat helpful, because I think this scene has a lot of potential, and I would love if I could read more of it down the road. I wish you all the best luck with this, and any other writing endeavors!


-Cat
















My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .