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Review #4548276
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The Black Cat's Tale Open in new Window. [E]
A Locked Shop, A Tardy Shopkeeper, and Trinkets.
by Richard ~ Merry, Merry Author Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Okay, this story leaves me with a few questions that could be answered by another chapter, but there’s probably not going to be one, so I’ll go off what I have. First of all, if the cat/woman knows that she is the familiar of the man, why doesn’t she go into human form immediately and welcome him in even without seeing the trinket? Why does she keep him waiting at all?

I’m so interested by the ending of the story. There are so many places that this story could go. He understands his family line now, and he has his memory back. The cat has clearly been waiting for this moment for a long time. I have so many questions again, but I’ll leave it there. It’s a well-written story, one that stays with you. There’s plenty of intrigue about the woman, and it’s not immediately obvious that she’s the cat. She must be very powerful to render that kind of awe in him, especially when she makes him drink that disgusting tea.

“Still meek, enthralled by her charms, and the first tea, I passed the bag holding them to her, I drank the bitter brew, pouring the next cup myself.”
This is a definite run-on sentence that needs to be corrected.

“So, I drank, as she opened an ornate metal box, strangely, it was decorated with designs…”
This is another run-on sentence. You probably need to hold back on the commas. They’re allowing you to keep writing with a pause, but not the pause you need.
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