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Review #4571694
Viewing a review of:
 The winter has come  Open in new Window. [E]
The autumn has left and winter is coming
by Penny Withers Author Icon
Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Penny Withers Author Icon

I am reviewing this poem as part of the fabulous tournament: "Harry Potter and the Writers' Spell " Open in new Window..

As a fair and just Hufflepuff, I want to point out these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I love the direction you took with this poem. I'm not sure what I expected when I read your title and brief description, but it wasn't this lament over the things we are unable to do as the days turn colder. I especially like the image of an "overgrown man in disguise" as you wear more layers to keep you warm.

Voice/Tone: There is a definite feeling of wistfulness here. Days spent "cycling up hills" are mere memories, and the new normal is to stay at home, shut away inside. Much like Harry Potter underneath the stairs in Privet Drive.

Mechanics: The poem does not appear to be any set structure. The lines are uneven in their syllabic count, and the rhyme is a little confusing. So, based on this, I would say this is free verse with some end-of-line rhymes. However, your first verse does not seem to have this rhyme. Or, at least, the rhymes are not exact. Rhyming "passed" with "must" doesn't work, and I would try to change that. Then, the following verse has an abab rhyme. The final three verses are aabb in rhyme. The uneven rhymes and meter make the rhythm a little rocky. I appreciate it is free verse, so you can write it however you want, but having a little consistency would help the overall rhythm.

My Favourite Part: The last verse. It really made me smile. Despite my comments above, the rhythm of this verse is perfect. I love the image of the bike sat in the snow awaiting the coming of nicer weather. You should maybe throw an invisibility cloak over it, though, to make sure nobody steals it!

I enjoyed reading your poem. You have created some really nice images. Autumn is just arriving here in the UK, and soon we will have the cold frigidity of winter. I think this poem is very relatable. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

Purple Choconut sig. made by Minja, gifted by Leah. Image for my Blue Ribbon Reviewers promotion.



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