%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4574236 |
| Hello there, The good wizards at "Harry Potter and the Writers' Spell "  sent me on a magical quest to review some of the most amazing fantasy poems out there, so I hopped on my firebolt broom, evaded the Dementors who are guarding the grounds, and here I am.I must say, I really enjoyed reading this piece. For starters, the idea behind it -having a witch take down the actual devil- is quite ingenious, and a very cool subversion. I am used to witches being framed as subservient to the devil and being part of a cult-like scene that worships him. He is often portrayed as the most powerful figure on the dark side. So, to see him dethroned was very refreshing (and weirdly satisfying). I would say though, that the “description” took away some of the surprise and intrigue. At the very beginning we are told that: "Satan's powers are eclipsed by a witch." If it were not for that the reader would get the chance to wonder, form theories, and get a double dose of surprise near the end when the devil doesn’t emerge victorious. So, I would suggest rewording the description to something more mysterious, for example: “a witch takes on the devil.” This will hook the reader, reel him in, and allow him to revel in the shattering of any assumptions he would have had. Let me also point out that Claire Voyant is such a clever name and you did a brilliant job on characterization. This is beyond impressive and very difficult to do with poetry. You juggled the twin tasks of fleshing out her character and telling the story, with great poise. I especially enjoyed her confidence when the devil approached her, and I could clearly visualize the image of her “picking the mole beside her lip.” Just by conjuring up this image, you managed to bring a vivid picture of this witch into my imagination. Tying her to mythology explained her powers rather nicely and justified her confidence. (I also really appreciate the explanation you included. I would have had to research these references otherwise). And your version of the devil is brash, brutish, and headstrong; someone who cannot tolerate the thought of anyone having powers comparable to his. This fits perfectly with the narrative of the poem. Although, I would suggest a small edit on the line that introduces him here: “a plan to sent her straight to hell,” I would change the “sent” into “send.” Stylistically speaking, the poem flows rather nicely and has a pleasant ring to it when read out loud. The only lines that I would possibly edit would be these: “To seal the fate of the Underworld King, Claire interpreted what they mean.” How about: “To seal the fate of the fiery lord, Claire interpreted and then told.” This is merely a suggestion from someone who does not claim to be the leading authority on poetry by any means, so please consider my suggestion with that in mind. Your original phrasing is beautiful, I propose this only because it might work better with the flow and your overall rhyming scheme. Overall, I truly enjoyed reading this poem. It was a rare delight; a very clever and well-written subversion, that had me smiling even as I read about the fires of hell. Thank you for a wonderful read! All the best, Red,
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 10/12/2020 @ 1:09am EDT