I was the one that made this story idea suggestion and I am impressed with what you have done with it. I love the vivid imagery and the contrast between the total darkness and the main character's suit of light. He is a very strong character in my opinion. The heroine however seems pretty weak. In a short span of time she is willing to accept some impossible and disturbing things and leaps at the chance to join up with the hero. It makes her seem like a bubble head. I don't know what you can do to strengthen her character but she just isn't as well rounded.