Hi somojo.
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of the I Write in 2021 Challenge and The Monthly Contest Challenge and the Lodestar Contest - "The Lodestar Contest" 
I have just read your short story "Invalid Item" , which I found when as one of the stories of the Lodestar Contest and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
I was drawn into this tale - one of teenage boys and a dash of mystery.

Characters:
Ben and Sean our the characters. The prompt mentions a 14 year old boy and his younger cousin, but you have chosen two boys that are friends. Ben is 15 and Sean is 17, I believe.

Setting:
It says Sydney and from the dialogue I don't dispute that. The story starts at Ben's place. His friend has stayed the night. It moves to the river and a cliff.

Plot:
What we don't realize is why Sean is upset with his family - we learn why near the end, but the mystery of that pulls us in. Ben invited his friend to stay over. We know for only one night, as Ben's mother is not a huge fan of Sean's influence. Being a hot day, Sean suggests going to the river. They go, not bothering to ask, as Ben's mother would say 'no'.
Sean is the one who challenges them to jump. What we don't realize it that Sean has an ulterior motive.
We are pulled into Ben's horror at his friend disappearing and the subsequent police investigation. The final scene let's us in on the why and the where of Sean five years later.

Favourite Part:
I like the mystery of this story and I appreciate the way you did the 'explanation' at the end.

Suggestions:
This sentence was a bit awkward:
"The guy shuffled back to pick up the plastic shopping bag full of old newspapers; the police officer it held out."

Additional Comments:
I wish you well in the contest.
How close are you supposed to stick to the guidelines - particularly those of the boys ages? I think the story worked with the ages they were.

I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .