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 Review #4614325 |
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| (4.0)   Greetings, Sewcrazy Again 🤗, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest-CLOSED till May" . First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Visually appealing Yes, no issues, well-balanced paragraphs. Easy to understand Lovely flow! Followed the prompt Yes! Plot It is Gemma's birthday and she's hoping to find Goats 4 Sale. Dialogue: There's some dialogue, but since this is narrated by the main character, not a lot is need. It worked well the way you've written it. Setting: Nice descriptions throughout, beginning with the ride to the auction and the auction itself. Good job! Technicalities: (just a few easy-peasy fixes  )the things he going to need --> the things he is going to need We’re almost there everyone --> We’re almost there, everyone I asked a farmer lady who had some baby pigs. “If she saw any goats come in today because it is my birthday, and I am looking for a baby goat to raise.” --> I asked a farmer lady who had some baby pigs, “Have you seen any goats come in today because it is my birthday, and I am looking for a baby goat to raise?” or perhaps I asked a farmer lady who had some baby pigs if she saw any goats come in today because it is my birthday, and I am looking for a baby goat to raise. (You also worded a similar line a few paragraphs down.)  Your tense changed from present to past part way through. I know this is easy to do because I've done the same thing before.   Favorites: I must say, I really enjoyed the tone of this piece. You have a nice way of storytelling. It rolls along smoothly with lines such as With the quiet rivers and creek beds, sometimes I can see the fish jumping out of the waters.  Final thoughts: You include very nice visuals in your story! I enjoyed every single one. I loved the easy flow, going on the journey with Gemma on her birthday as she looks for Goats 4 Sale. Such a lovely story with a great ending! Please don't be discouraged with my suggestions, as they are small in comparison to the story itself.Best of luck in the contest! Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 06/12/2021 @ 9:01am EDT