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Review #4616626
Viewing a review of:
 Throwing Darts at a Map Open in new Window. [13+]
Coming of age story that sprung forth from insecurity, defeat, and cynicism. Brief.
by THoulihan Author Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hallo!
You requested a review of this on the Review Request page.

Wow! What a story. And it's biographical ... ? Wow.

Yes, this story has the potential to grow. I definitely want to know more about what happened.

Suggestions for this piece:
1. The layout - Please look at font, size, line-space and formatting of paragraphs. This'll make it easier on the reader's eye.
2. The pace - At this point, you've put everything that happened down at breakneck speed - information heaped on. You could slow the pace down somewhat by giving some thoughts, feelings, descriptions ...
3. I would like some specific examples of what happened in your new life to help you change so much. Whether small or big, there must be actual incidents that stand out. That'll make it more personal.

I guess this could be either a novel or a collection of short stories or essays, whichever you feel like. I'm rating it according to what it currently is and what it has the potential to be.

Write On!

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/27/2021 @ 10:32am EDT
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