I visited your portfolio because your WdC Anniversary falls on June 30.
I think you've done a great job within the constraints of the contest. You've evoked images and feelings, and the determination of the character leaves an impact. Great job!
Suggestion:
1. WritingML like line-spacing, font and size for readability.
2. Genres - this is a 'contest entry' and I'd suggest 'Romance/Love' and 'Relationship' as genres.
This was written many years ago, but I'm glad I got to read it now.
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