Wanting to give up [E] When you start to live in depression |
Hello Shubh Greetings from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" I am reviewing your poem 'Wanting To Give Up'. I will give my views and opinions but remember this is your poem and I am not an expert reviewer. Title: The title 'Wanting To Give Up' delivers the message inside. Suitable and apt. Rhyme and Flow: Your poem has a good rhyming scheme of aaaa. The flow is also engaging. I would suggest to make the length of lines in a Stanza equal because it interupts the flow. Check it by reading your poem aloud. Imagery and Emotions: The poem has a good sense of imagery of Shadow and light. The details are also well written. I liked the transition or a sad, dejected self to a hopeful person. My Favourite Line: "For I told you, your journey has just begun" In-Depth Review: When the sun makes you burn When the shadows give you no fun [shadow gives] When the rain hides the water down your cheeks that run [This is a long sentence interrupting the flow. Here's an alternative- "When the rain hides your tears that run."] Let me tell you,the journey has just begun. When the heavens send you down, [Heavens (H must be capitalized)] Taking away your rightful crown When the hells do but frown Because you are too good to be down. [These last two lines are enthralling. So thoughtfully written!] You are helpless,having no friend, [helpless, having (space after comma)] Remembering the words “Our friendship shall never end” [make this shorter for the flow.] Broken shards of brain you mend, Thinking of giving up, cause that’s the end. [If you are telling this to the read then last line should be like- "You think to give up, cause that's the end"] Raise your head, you are it. They sent you down with a wit For every little pain you felt Is the proof that in the strong fire too, Your goodness never melts. [I appreciate this stanza. Though it has lost its rhyme scheme but it has weightage in words. Well done!] Yes,you were right, Say it with all your might; Your war is too long too be called a fight, [too long to maintain the flow. Suggestion- "Your war is too long to be a fight"] And the angels stand by your side For the dark shadows you are the sun [dark shadows, you are (you missed a comma] For the little innocent fireflies you are the one ["For the fireflies, you are the one"] Do not give up, that’s what you have to go for You are the weapon against the evil that need more. [Overall this stanza has a very good transition. You engulfed confidence in the readers.] You are special, you haven’t been told yet Cause that gong of clock you haven’t met. Your pain has been taken, now rerun , [no space between rerun and comma] For I told you, your journey has just begun [As I have told you earlier, my favourite stanza!] Remember, this is only my views and thoughts. It is your original piece. Overall a well written piece. I enjoyed reading this. Write on! Reviewed by, Lurie Park ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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