Hi there.My name is Whiskerface and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

The Heart of the Story/Poem: An old man, alone and uncared for, is someone worthwhile and composed of many experiences.



Something To Think About: The last two sentences in paragraph five seem out of place. You go from writing in third person to addressing the reader. It drew me out of the story and broke the flow of my reading. You might want to find a way to describe him other than the term old man. Perhaps the staff have a derogatory name for him.


Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: In your first paragraph, the phrase ‘able too’ is written able to. In paragraph four, you wrote ‘...trench warfare. Then returned...’
Your second sentence lacks a subject. You can add a subject, or connect it to the previous sentence by using a comma.



Things I Like: I rarely see people write about care facilities, and that grabbed my attention. I immediately grasped who your character was and what his situation was like. I wanted to read about this character, to further discover who he was and how he dealt with his struggles. He seemed a man with no opportunity, every decision made for him, each person disregarding him. It struck me that he can speak, but doesn't. The staff could try to speak with him. There's a person in his body, not just a nuisance to be dragged around. It's almost like they're playing with a life-sized doll. He's breathing, but he isn't living.

He worked and produced, and twice fought in a world war. He protected his homeland, and now is treated like rubbish. Granted, Alzheimer’s patients aren't easy and the staff may become weary, but ignoring and insulting a helpless patient is despicable. Sorry, okay, rant over.

I enjoyed your details. The sweating and dry lips, socks but no shoes, helped me to imagine him.



Other Stuff: He was a prisoner of war, but later in his life, he was imprisoned again, by not only his body, but loneliness. My favorite line is “It was a hot August day and the sun’s rays penetrated the glass with fingers of fire.”


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .