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Review #4646421
Viewing a review of:
 Yashoda Open in new Window. [E]
The best regarded mother. Not comparable with human race.
by Vaishali Author Icon
Review of Yashoda  Open in new Window.
Review by GERVIC Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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IN AFFILIATION WITH:
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Greetings Vaishali Author IconMail Icon!

Disclaimer:

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by GERVIC and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Overview:
Your poem was listed under the VIP section of "Poetry Review Garden [on hiatus]Open in new Window. and I'm here to deliver to you my review.


Title:
         "Yashoda" at a first glance, is vague to me. I'm not sure what or who Yashoda is. Perhaps one of the Indian goddesses? That's my guess though after I checked on the cover image. Good thing you added a note at the bottom of your piece telling something about who Yashoda is. That's a great way to do to introduce the character of your masterpiece most especially when a writer tackles about entities specific to his/her country of origin.


Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
         This is exceptional! The way Yashoda portrayed herself being a great mother, a wonderful wife to her husband, and a responsible leader of the community proves to me that the capacity of a woman to do things (great things) is beyond how I imagined them to be. Most people say that women are just a mere housewife who prepare the meals, take care of their children and do household chores without thinking that these daily tasks they are obliged to accomplish are way harder than what the men's works are. After reading this piece I realized that women can do what men can do and they (most of the time) do it better.

         The part where you said she has to handle her son while doing tasks brought my eyes into tears. This reminded me of my mother. Back then, I used to witness her carry my youngest sister while cooking our meal and then wash the dishes.


Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter:
         You did well in writing this structured poem. The format is good. The meter seems off as you didn't follow a certain syllabic count though. It rhymes pretty well in ABAC rhyme scheme but I found one stanza where rhyming seems offbeat. I tried reading it aloud multiple times but it appeared to me that "SHOW" and "BOW" don't rhyme. Bow, in this sense means to bend over someone to show sign of respect and honor and is read as /baʊ/. The other "BOW" that rhymes with "SHOW" [/SHō/] means a weapon for shooting arrows, typically made of a curved piece of wood whose ends are joined by a taut string and is read as /bō/. Other than that, it's good.


Artistic Voice and Imagery:
         Imagery is superb. The way you described Yashoda in your piece is great. It is clear in every statement and in every line of your piece what Yashoda does, what she's capable of and how brave and strong she is.


Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
         It's fine. You also added a note stating that you are not a native English speaker but you did well in this piece. That's in my perspective. I am not a native English speaker as well and in fact it is my third spoken language.

         Though I found this line a little off "Like this she daily encounters such innocent show", I can still understand the message of it. I have a suggestion for this below. Oh and curiousity should be spelled "curiosity". Home made should be "Home-made".


Favorite Lines:
         I was so touched with these lines. And as I mentioned, this made me cry.

She has to handle her son while doing daily tasks
And raise her other elder son, Balram.
She once out of curiousity asks,
"O my dear son Kanha, when will you mend your ways?"


Suggestions:
         Please take a moment to read my suggestions:



She is also the lady village head so she conducts [I think this is not necessary]

For she often receives his complains complaints

That he had stolen 'makhan' [guess you need to put some note about this] for fun

I don't exactly get what you meant by this: "And have broken mud vessels of young girls"

She has to handle carry her son while doing daily tasks

She once out of curiousity asks, Out of curiosity she once asks,

Who is (more) beautiful than the moon goddess [need the word more since it's comparative]

She looked looks at his naive small face and replied says, [Inconsistent use of tense]

Like this she daily encounters such innocent show She encounters everyday such innocent show

She gets the pleasure that is most sweet the sweetest in the world

And to this pleasure the whole world bow knows

That she is not just an ordinary mother.



Final Thought:
         Overall, it is a great piece bearing lots of moral lessons. It was a great read and I enjoyed reading your poem. Thank you for sharing this. Keep your creative juices flow to inspire and touch many lives.


Reviewed by:
GERVIC Author IconMail Icon



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