The quiet night peacefully shrouds <-- Awesome tidbit to start with.

the painless silence that death endows. <-- Hair standing, beautiful.

So those are my favorite lines, a great piece presented here, now before I go further, let me say I'm not really good at poetry, also I love the painting!


Now, with disclaimers out of the way here are my suggestions


"Silently and peacefully the night shrouds"
"The gentle silence that Death endows" <-- a personification of death would have stronger effect, also replacing "painless" with "gentle" or any alternative would strengthen the idea that this is an "intimate" moment of sorts.

I have thoroughly enjoyed this piece, thank you for sharing with us!