"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

PLOT

I thought the idea was very authentic and very well thought out.

SUGGESTIONS

1) This is very telling and, due to its descriptive nature, very tedious to read. Dialogue in places would help with this, in my opinion. For example, the scene where he is getting interrogated could be shown by speech rather than told. It could also be cut down if dialogue was used. '"What happened out there? the investigator yelled as he waved pictures in my face./ I stared at him, my eyes wide open. "I-I don't know."/ He slams his fists on the table. "You must know something?"/ I remained silent...' Something like that. In my opinion, this way you are showing how baffled your character is and how frustrated the men questing him are getting.

2)Another way to make the words not run together so much is to have line breaks between paragraphs. For example, a change of topic usually has a new line and a line break. Another line break occurs due to dialogue.

3)I also think this is to long. There is nothing wrong with a long story as long as the story keeps on building. Your story, in my opinion, did not. The last half and the end hook were really good but the start was very flat. Maybe start with the aliens coming down and your character in church then, after you have hooked the reader, go into the back story.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

The only vibes I could get from your character was he had faith and was a man of the cloth. I couldn't feel him or sense any emotion. I have found the way to get the reader invested in characters is by action tags and inner thoughts. For example, 'My flesh crawled at the sight of those spider legs. I bit my lip, gritted my teeth, and forced a smile as I extended my hand; keep calm, this will be over soon.'

FINAL THOUGHTS

The story is good. It could be great, with a little work. Thank you for sharing and have a great week.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .