This is a short exercise written from a prompt, which you have included at the end. I can affirm that you seem to have covered all the bases that were listed. I have a few quarrels with your writing, which I’ll get to in a minute, but primarily my quarrel is with the prompt itself. It left out a couple of crucial elements for you to build into your scene: conflict, and an arc. Without them, all you have is journalism: This happened, then that happened, then this other stuff happened.

Conflict is the crucial drive that gives a story meaning. An issue needs some form of resolution, and the story arc is the process of one or both characters trying to resolve it. It is also what keeps the reader reading, as they wonder “Gosh; what’s gonna happen next.”

Conflict need not be dire or apocalyptic in nature. No need for betrayals, conspiratorial plots, or invading armies. It simply requires that the placid status quo of your characters’ lives has been pushed out of balance.

No one can read your scene and think there’s any unwanted ripples on the smooth surface of Patrice and Shannon’s lives. Don’t get me wrong; I think it’s great when old friends get together and share the successes of their lives and give each other mutual support. Such relationships are a wonderful thing, to be cherished whenever they are allowed to blossom. In the real world, that is. In fiction, it’s death. And it never rings true. What works in fiction are the warts, the scars, the petty resentments, the desires, and the jealousy. Those are what drive a story.

You’ve already set yourself up for just such conflicts. Patrice has two books published, compared to Shannon’s one book, still in progress. And yet, Patrice acknowledges that Shannon’s story sounds better than her own. No chances there for a bit of petty jealousy? And, perhaps a moment of reflection on values and what’s important in one’s life?

As you go forward, I hope you’ll keep this one rule in mind: STORIES HAPPEN NOW. Your reader has an unwavering sense of the moving point of your story’s present. That’s where they will look for the story. In the case of this scene, the present action consists of two people talking. True, they’re talking about interesting things, but your reader won’t be fooled. You can’t channel the past or other contexts into your present action in the hopes of making it seem like something is going on. Looking back to the aforementioned potential conflict that could be milked from this scene, that would undoubtedly provide you with a host of present moments as the conflict works itself out. The point being that the reader’s attention would be focused on the present, leaving the conversation in the supporting role that would be proper.