Hey, Chy.

Here are my thoughts and feelings regaring "Homunculus".

"Eiolon sewed pieces of canvas together to form the likeness of a human body..." - I really liked the opening paragraph. The first sentence piqued my interest in an eerie sort of way; I guess Eiolon could simply be making a mannequin, but the phrasing hinted that something stranger was going on. And the final sentence nicely introduces the speculative element, rewarding my initial interest while also raising more question. Without being flashy, this was simply a great opening paragraph.

"studied the tiny gathers of fabric that mimicked a human knuckle." - It didn't knock me out of the story, but this did make me wonder if it is at all possible so sew anything so tiny anatomically correct?

"One day the magic that held her prisoner on the island might fail..." - Ah nice. It was beginning to feel like we were just getting random setting details without really going anywhere, and then you drop this key information and all those setting details suddenly feel like buildup.

"She had started the project hoping for some help with the upkeep of the cottage, shed, and garden. Perhaps the homunculus could even fish;" - If that is her reasons for making the Homunculus, why not simply make it larger?

"There was a rustle, and one canvas arm raised. Eiolon grasped its hand, smiling in welcome." - Part of me really enjoyed the slow buildup, but part of me of found the story a bit lacking around this point, meaning my initial interest in the story starts to fade. Eiolon's situation and her stone-based magic was interesting, but it didn't seem like she was going to really use it for anything other than make their existence more bearable. There had been no real hint of conflict or mystery to pull me into the next part of the story.

"Eiolon spelled the homunculus's canvas to shed water and dirt, and invited it to join her in her routines. The canvas and stuffing never grew soggy with their activities." - To me, the second sentence seems redundant. Unless told otherwise, I would asume Eiolon's spells worked.

"We cannot leave. I do have the boat, but there is a magical barrier around the island." - Hmm... while the conversation does casual and quite natural, it does also come across as mostly infodumping what the setting is like and spelling out Eiolon's situation.

"Ael moved its shoulders as if in a sigh." - I like the small descriptions of Ael's reaction, how you use both visual and auditory clues to suggest what the homunculus means and how well that information is conveyed even though the creature is mute.


Overall
Maybe this just wasn't my kind of story, but it didn't feel as strong as as most of your writings. The prose is solid and we do get to know the characters (the way you manage to get some of Ael's character across is actually pretty impressive) but not to same extend as i most of your other stories. They do not become elements of the writing which are strong enough to hold the story up.

On top of that, there weren't really any stakes for Eiolon, which meant this read more like a character exercise digging into her backstory than an actual story.

I did like the ending and the build-up to Eiolon dying, accepting old age and giving Ael a chance to live a life of their own. That part could carry the story, but as is, it feels like it's not quite enough.

Eiolon has already accepted death at the start of the story, so it's only through the backstory we learn that she once felt different about it. And while her age is hinted at from the beginning, her growing old isn't really an issue until the final scene.

Overall, it feels like there's definitely a story worth telling here, but it needs some tweaking to hold my interest all the way through to ending.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .