%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4685831 |
 | To You, Fleeting Traveler  [E] A moment's poetry  |
| (4.0)| Greetings, NONE! Welcome to our international community dedicated to inspiring writers of all skill levels. I saw your introduction on the "Writing.Com General Discussion" and wanted to offer a few observations in the interest of friendly hospitality and constructive support. Of course, they are nothing more than one person's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they No, I do not cringe at the thought of reading other people's work. I consider it an opportunity to learn and/or teach. No matter how experienced you are, there is always room for improvement. TITLE: The title is a critical element of your composition, because it is the portal through which a prospective reader must pass to enter the realm of your imagination. If that entrance does not spark some sort of interest, chances are he or she will move along to the next item, or maybe even the next author. The sign you have planted at the door to this expression generates a sense of urgency to share a vision with another being before it disappears into the wind. FORM & STRUCTURE: In traditional poetry, the fixed shape of the meter, rhyme, and stanza creates an emotional distance which facilitates universal acceptance. The poet writing free verse must compensate for the lack of traditional structure by designing the title, line, stanza, and rhythm to provide the greatest impact in an efficient manner. The variation in line structure, ranging from three to seventeen syllables in no particular pattern, produces a sense of intense excitation, which may be what you intended. However, it also hinders development of a rhythm to reinforce your narrator's declaration. POETIC TECHNIQUE: Your application of the personification technique ( https://literarydevices.net/personification/ ) brings the abstract concept of time to life in the mind of your readers. In one form or another, repetition is used in poetry for a variety of purposes. The familiarity created by this technique can create a common thread woven through the piece to strengthen the cohesiveness of the composition. It can also be used as a resonant echo for emphasis to produce greater impact. By skillfully playing the familiar against the unexpected, the poet composes a lyrical quality that is used to support the theme of the poem. The echo of that "please" refrain certainly serves to keep that soliciting tone on the minds of your audience. However, the repetition of "only" in the last two lines does not seem to have any effect on your presentation, in my humble opinion. OVERALL IMPRESSION: Art happens in two places: in writers' minds as they create it, and in readers' minds as they perceive it. Creative writers explore possibilities through a lens colored by past experience and share them with an unseen audience. They call upon a unique reservoir of such enlightenment, conceptual skill and innovative research to evoke some spiritual reaction from your audience--be it joy, melancholy, shock, or any of a thousand others. Your exposition reminds me of how fast time does fly and the necessity of making the most of what we have while we have it. You are off to a fantastic start. Keep writing! If you are interested in learning more about the craft of composing poetry, or merely chatting with a few like-minded wordsmiths, we would love to have you join our discussions in "The Poet's Place " group.Here's wishing you fair winds as you continue to navigate this universe known as Writing.Com. Let the creativity flow from your soul!  Dave "The Poet's Place "  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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