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Hello, kriselda! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ~ I've never written a novel but I do know by reading them that the first chapter has to accomplish a lot to draw the reader in. With that thought in mind, I think a stronger first line would hook the reader better. I know it gets into the conflict quick, but maybe zone in on that -- a first line maybe that panics the main character. Something like that. ~ I found the chapter easy to read and liked how the events unfolded. The first half was easy to grasp with the characters, right down to the dad. After that the characters all get scrambled and it's hard to follow who is who. More info on the characters would clarify them better because it happened so fast. Maybe something like Bjorn running in through the door and then go through 'who' he scared as he came barging in. You've got room for more description because for a first chapter it's on the short side. ![]() ~ The other thing for a first chapter is to end it off so we'll want to keep reading. I think it could end with more of a bang for me to turn the page. It's set-up just fine, and you did leave me with questions as to what was going to happen next, but I wanted a little more 'shock value'. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ~Lornda ![]() ![]()
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