Hello Unknown Icarus!

Welcome to Writing.Com!

Your personal poem caught my eye and since I'm looking for folks to review for the Tour de Ports challenge, I decided to read it and give you a review. I hope you find it encouraging and helpful.


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:

You wrote a darkly emotional poem that I enjoyed reading.

You engaged my interest well and kept me reading to the very end.



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

I hoped you hadn't experienced this in real life, but suspect that you had, because of the "personal" genre selection. I hope you find real, true love one day. It's a beautiful thing.

I am not normally a fan of repetition in free verse poetry (for some reason, to me, it seems better suited to form poetry) but I liked your use of it here.

I think the world would be a better place if we all took the time to really look one another in the eyes and see and appreciate the people before us for who they are.

The pacing of your poem contributed to its eerie, dark feel.

The ending of your poem felt just right for the conclusion.


IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:

In the spirit of helpfulness, I have two little suggestions to make your piece stronger.

The description reads like this at the moment: "Poem of false love, the desire to be seen by someone only sees what they want to believe." I think there needs to be a "who" between "someone" and "only." Maybe you didn't have enough characters? Maybe it was a typo? If you decided to make the change, the sentence would look like this afterward: Poem of false love, the desire to be seen by someone who only sees what they want to believe."

I recommend adding "dark" to your genre selections for this poem. Or, if you don't want to add dark, whatever third genre you like. We have something called the Quill Awards on this site and, should someone nominate your poem for an award, it helps your chances of winning in one of the genre categories to have all three genres selected.

These are just my opinions and suggestions. Feel free to take what serves you and ignore the rest. I really do mean well and wish you every success.


CONCLUSION:
You wrote a dark, moving, emotional poem that I enjoyed reading. Well done!

Thank you for sharing your writing with the Writing.Com community!


May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler




*** WDC Angel Army Review ***





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .