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 Review #4709731 |
| Hello Unknown Icarus  Happy 23rd WDC Birthday! This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.   Wow. I wasn't quite sure how to feel reading this poem. I'm happy for you that you got into college. I think your parents were happy also. Maybe they just acted more excited for you than they did for your sister, because they sensed your excitement. By the way they reacted, I definitely think they were proud.Maybe your crying later in the closet was more out of the unknown. Sometimes the unknown can be quite scary. If you didn't earn it, you wouldn't have gotten in. Simple as that.  Title and Description - The excitement of your title is contagious. The description shows your inner turmoil.   Theme/Subject Matter:- A person who is accepted into college. They're not quite sure how to accept the news. Originality/Creativity:- The way you structured your poem is very creative and original. Emotion/Impact: - The emotional impact followed that of the writers. Which is a compliment. Your writing showed your emotion so well that it made me, the reader, mirror those feelings. My Suggestions - Please note that these suggestions are my own. Please use or discard them as you see fit. The main thing I'd like to know that I believe would add a whole new depth to your writing, is the part that's left out.What happened that kept you from going to college the first time around? Were you hurt so badly, that you were healing for three whole years? I believe writing a few stanzas about what took place to cause this would really be beneficial. Today at 4:02pmAs I laid in bed, trying to sleep instead of studying, Put spaces between all of your times and the p.m. As I lay in bed  Im not readyTo go to college. Im not ready. To live a life That for three years now I'm not ready I'm not ready To live a life For three years now  In your title, write the second line with capitals like the first.In your description since you've already stated in the title that you got into college, You can delete both of the "I got into college" lines and just state, "And I don't think it's good enough.  Summary: Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. I wish you the best of luck!  KEEP ON WRITING ON!  Intuey   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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