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 Review #4725393 |
 | First Snow  [E] A cascade poem about first snow. . .  |
| (4.5)| Hi Weirdone-Back in the games ,I am writing this review as part of "I Write in 2024" [13+].  Overall Impression: I love the feel of this poem. It's about the transition from summer to winter - a longing for what was, yet a renewal, and a joy, when the world turns into a winter wonderland. I have experienced those feelings. I, too, feel refreshed by the snow. At least at first. Yes, that first snow is magical. You do a good job with the imagery. The green that turns to brown and dead, contrasted with that fresh white. I especially loved the line about the birds - I do miss those who migrate away. I think that many people will be able to relate to this. On top of that, you've used a nice form. I wasn't familiar with it, but I see that it requires repeated lines, and you did so very well. None of the lines felt forced. The poem has a pleasant rhythm and flow. All in all, it makes for an enjoyable read. Well done! Suggestions: I do have a couple of suggestions, dear author. I hope that you'll find them helpful!.  Many poets play around with punctuation in their work, and this can be very effective. I have to confess, though, that some of the punctuation in this poem confused me a little, and that tripped me up on first read. For example, I am not sure why there's a period at the end of the first line in Stanza 1, as it's not the end of the sentence. I'd expect a comma or semicolon in its place. Nor am I certain why the first line of Stanza 3 does not end in a period, because that is the sentence's end. It may be worth another look. In line with this, I suggest allowing the capitalisation at the beginning of each line to depend upon the individual sentences within the piece. That would perfect the overall clarity and reading experience.My Rating: This is a lovely poem that was a joy to read. I am happy that you posted before me in the challenge, so that I got to review your work. I did have a couple of suggestions. Nothing major, but the punctuation did trip me up. Therefore, I will give this item a rating of 4.5 out of 5. Thank you for sharing your work. Write on! Kit    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 01/07/2024 @ 6:16pm EST