... ... bodies ... ... flew off ... ...

Rated: 13+

Rating felt appropriate at "bodies"

However, due to the graphic nature at "flew off", I advise a higher rating

Punctuation, Spelling, Phrasing

Punctuation, spelling and phrasing of descriptions was present throughout the story. For the most part, they added a heightened sense that characters felt that they were losing their grip on reality. However, if any special props, features, or additional meanings and clues were mentioned, by clearing up these issues will make them apparent.

Characters

I had no trouble following the action, however, I had trouble knowing who was who;

Due to grammar and punctuation issues, I had to read over sections to discern what the instances of "they" "that" "them" referred to. That had me focus more on the unfolding action and drama rather than on who was Jon, or who was the CO.

Sentence Structure

... ... as they raced to the EMS vehicles]. They carried 20 passengers ... ...
... ... as they raced to the EMS vehicles. The vehicles carried 20 passengers ... ...

During my first read through I thought "They" referred to firefighters; That perhaps firefighters carried the 20 passengers to safety;

During my second read through, I realized, that "They" should refer to the EMS vehicles; That the vehicles were carrying first responders such as the firefighters;

We have ro wear this ... ...
We have to wear this ... ...

Pointing out examples of several instances where the use of a spell checker might not catch:

trial has been mispelled as trail and rial

... ... a gape ... ...
... ... agape ... ...

Overall Impressions

I have a strong feeling that this intriguing story is only one portion of a much larger story. This feeling may be due to how the story seems to jump right into the moment with very little introduction to the main characters. Also, the ending is mysterious and suggests to the reader to stay tuned to see what comes next.

Despite the punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure issues, I was able to follow the story to get the sense that the troops or crews were bewildered by unbelievable circumstances. Whenever faced with the unnatural, the soldiers rationalized these moments by applying standard operating explanations to the strange reports and strange scenes despite how unlikely these conjectures would apply.

Also, the troops did not appear fazed by the mutilation of bodies. However, they appeared to be more alarmed at the thought that there were imposters running around dressed up in department issued uniforms and carrying department issued weapons and armor.

In the final scene, I could feel Jon's mental wheels turning, wondering how the people in the room vanished. It's clear he did not see the people leave and I could see the mental wheels spinning away in search of a plausible rationale.