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Review #4726637
Viewing a review of:
 Proof Open in new Window. [E]
Flash Fiction - September 30, 2020 W/C 294
by QueenNormaJean snow finally!!! Author Icon
Review of Proof  Open in new Window.
Review by JACE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi QueenNormaJean snow finally!!! Author Icon. Hello. I round your offering on the Read & Review section.

I'm JACE Author Icon, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Proof" Open in new Window..

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. I’m one who certainly appreciates a good flash fiction story. I love that such a short tale can have the requisite beginning, middle and ending it needs to complete a story. I feel yours contains those three aspects.

However, I noted a number of sentence fragments in your tale. Just because a story is short, doesn’t provide license to give up on proper sentences. For example: A hopeless cause. and Like looking for a needle in a haystack. If you need to reduce some words to fit a word count limit, find an alternative. As a reader, I find sentence fragments disconcerting.

Alternatively, the same may be said about run-on sentences, the following which as written, was confusing. Example: It jumped over George, he dropped the specimen, I screamed, the lion’s prey ran off down the trail with that huge mountain lion in pursuit. Is George the lion’s prey?

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet*  Your final sentence should be either:   I rolled my eyes, held my tongue, and tried not to laugh.   Or: I rolled my eyes, and held my tongue. I tried not to laugh.

*Star* My Rating.  4.0. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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