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Review #4727055
Viewing a review of:
 The Fourth Open in new Window. [E]
Flash Fiction
by Jacky Author Icon
Review of The Fourth  Open in new Window.
Review by JACE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi Jacky Author Icon. Good morning. I found this piece on the Read & Review section.

I'm JACE Author Icon, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "The Fourth" Open in new Window..

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. The art of flash fiction--creating an entire story with very few words. I believe you've done just that with this piece.

Your dialogue is well written, and punctuated correctly. The level of the your dialogue is just right for a mother explaining something to a child.

In a piece that places a premium on word count, consider whether some phrasing may not be needed. For example: ... and soon a head peeked out the doorway of the closet. This sentence would still be correct and actually tighter written as such: and soon a head peeked out of the closet.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* Not a correct attribute, in my opinion:  “OK… I’ll come out,” and she did.   “OK… I’ll come out.” And she did.

         *Bullet*  I suggest you limit the use of 'and.' It was also used in the previous sentence.  And she never missed the fireworks again, and she lived to be a hundred and six.   And she never missed the fireworks again. She lived to be a hundred and six.

*Star* My Rating.  4.5. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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